Well, I ain’t no tech whiz, but I’ve been having a heck of a time with this here “error on get tarkov” thing. That darn game, Escape from Tarkov, it just won’t start up right. I tell ya, it’s enough to make a saint cuss!
I click on that “Install” button, it just sits there, all stubborn-like. And that “Set the path…” thing, I click it, and my computer starts whirring like a cat in a washing machine. It takes up all my computer’s power, like a hog at the trough, and still nothing! This “tarkov launcher fix” is more like a tarkov launcher mess!
I heard some folks talking ’bout permissions and such. Says the game needs permission to get to some files. Sounds like a load of hogwash to me. Why can’t it just work like it’s supposed to? And what’s with this “Escape from Tarkov not launching” problem? Is it escaping from me?
Then there’s this other fella, he says, “Turn off all that shit.” Well, what shit? I ain’t got no shit turned on! Then he tells me to right-click the launcher and “run as administrator.” Like I’m some kinda big shot administrator! What is this, some “Tarkov launcher fix” or some sort of secret code?
He also says to restart my modem or router. I did that, unplugged it, plugged it back in, like I’m jump-starting a tractor. Still nothing. He says if that don’t work, it’s probably “server side.” What in tarnation is a server side? Is that where the cows sleep? “Escape from Tarkov bad gateway” this is all so confusing. I just wanted to play the game.
- Some folks say to check your internet connection.
- They say to go to some website, like “*” or something.
- I don’t know about all that, but I guess it’s worth a shot.
Another person, calls himself Nikita, says to wait for your character to load before hitting “reconnect.” What character? I ain’t got no character! I just wanna shoot some bad guys! But you know what this is something that fixed the “error on get tarkov” issue for me. I just waited and waited like he said.
And then this message pops up, “error checking the launcher update.” What’s a launcher update? Is that like when you update your address at the post office? These Battlestate Games people, they sure do make things complicated. This whole “Escape from Tarkov game launch error” thing is a real pain.
I can’t even get into a raid, whatever that is. I get a “Game starting error” when it’s loading “loot pools.” Sounds like a bunch of kids swimming in a pile of money. Is there a fix for this, or am I just stuck here staring at a blank screen? I tried reconnecting five times, like a broken record. I even restarted the whole game, like turning the TV off and on again. No luck with this “error on get tarkov” issue.
Now, here’s a thing that might actually help, from some other fellas online. They say to do these steps:
- First, uninstall the launcher. Like getting rid of an old, broken-down truck.
- Then, move the game folder to another drive. Like moving your chickens to a different coop. If it’s on (C:) drive, put it on (E:) drive.
- Then, install the launcher again. Like getting a new truck, I guess. Then click on “set the path to previously installed game.” Sounds fancy. Then you gotta choose the game folder you moved to (E:).
They also say a good way to keep this “error on get tarkov” from happening again is to “clear game cache.” I don’t know what a cache is. Is it like a stash of cookies? Or maybe you should just uninstall the whole game and the launcher, delete everything, and then reinstall it. Like ripping out the whole garden and starting over. This guy did it twice and says he hasn’t gotten a “backend error” since. What’s a backend, the back of a cow?
I tell ya, this whole thing is more trouble than it’s worth. I just wanted to play a little game, and now I’m up to my eyeballs in computer jargon and error messages. Maybe I should just stick to knitting. At least that yarn don’t give me no “error on get tarkov” messages!
